Lost and Found

Long time no see bloggers! I know tisk tisk, I have been MIA for a quite some time now. But I have so much to tell you. Last time I blogged I shared that I was exploring my passion for photography. I have decided to fully commit! LOST: It didn't come easy though. I have been struggling so much with my confidence. I can't tell you how many times I nock myself down with the questions I ask myself. Am I good? Do I have an eye? Will people like my pictures? Can I really make this work? FOUND: I finally had to slap myself around a little to make myself realize that it doesn't matter. I love doing it, I love my pictures, I work hard to learn new things, and I need to trust that when someone says they like my photos, they mean it. Anyway, I have been having a blast shooting babies, bellies, families, weddings, etc. You name it I will do it!

Aside from making others smile over their beautiful memories, I have been crying over some ones I was expecting. LOST: 10 weeks ago I learned that I was expecting baby number 2! I can't begin to tell you how happy we were. It was the perfect time, the perfect age difference between my first, and I just knew it would be a boy. I guess it was all too perfect. There's no such thing as perfect; I should have told , myself that. 8 weeks ago I had my first Dr. app. and we didn't see anything in the sack. The Dr. told me that I might not be as far along as I think. "Okay, see ya next week then to see our babies heart beat!" People already know, Mayley is wearing a big sis shirt and I am contemplating ways to announce it on facebook. What the heck was I thinking? Nothing is perfect remember?! 7 weeks ago I was sent to the ultra sound specialist where again they saw nothing and told me to come back in a week. "I'm sure this happens a lot, women thinking they are farther along than they are. Besides, there is a little yolk, next will be my big moment!" I keep having to explain to everyone what is happening. 6 weeks ago I went back to the specialist...nothing. I didn't hear a word the Dr. was saying after that. Blighted ovum something....1 out 6.....options....All I can do is cry and feel like I just lost a little miracle that was supposed to be in my arms 7 months from now. I was 8 weeks along growing an empty sac. That is exactly how I felt, empty. From there I had to walk to walk of pity out of office. Tears, sobbing, mascara running, in front of a room full of pregnant women. They all knew and I could see that were feeling very lucky to be bounty full with baby inside. FOUND: 2 weeks ago grieving subsided, nature took its course, and I am healing. My husband has been there right by my side assuring me that things will be fine. He is so strong and I am lucky to be able to feed off of that. He is right when he tells me to look at our beautiful healthy daughter and feel blessed that we were lucky enough to have had 1 miracle already. If we are meant to have another we will. My family is my world and without them I am lost...thank god I am found.