I honestly feel like when life is going smoothly and things seem to be in place and its almost that "to good to be true" feeling, that an ominous cloud begins to lurk. What I mean is, when things are going well life has a funny way of throwing you a curve ball to offset the balance in your universe and stir things up. Life is a test people say. I agree-I believe. Those who can handle these tests become stronger, more confident, and basically are winning a this game of life.
My last test involved a miscarriage. I grieved, I grew strength, I conquered. I was awarded with another blessing that is currently growing inside me.
I figured I had some time before the next test was given to me. But the game of life is unpredictable and a test can be given at any time. So here is my test:
~I have been handed the card of battling pre-term labor starting at 24 weeks. Trough this battle I must fight bed rest, keeping myself healthy for the baby, feelings of guilt for neglecting my daughter who cries at my door for attention (probably one of my biggest fights) It breaks my heart, fighting feelings of guilt over my husband playing multiple roles and having to rely on those around me, I must fight the temptation of depression and the urge to give up.
Quite the test I would say but I feel prepared. For every test that I have been given in my life so far, I feel as though I have beat them all. All these previous tests that have pushed me to my limits emotionally and physically and I have defeated them. I will beat this test too. I can fight this for the next three months for the sake of my baby, myself, and my family who need me as much as I need them.
So for those who read this, I hope you find it within yourself to feel empowered with strength and determination when life throws you a test. Just know its for a reason, one that will help define you. Don't give up...even if you feel like you have lost, there will always be a reason to win.
Yes, this is quite the test for you to say the least, for anyone for that matter. No emotions are stronger than those a mother has for her children... the baby and your daughter. I dont know exactly what youre going through, but I am dealing with postpartum right now. And the guilt... Oh my gosh, the guilt I feel for Ginger and Oliver literally makes me sick to my stomach. So, that part, I get. And even though the practical side of me understands the guilt is unnecessary and Im doing the best I can... that practical thinking rarely prevails.
ReplyDeleteYoure right, Life is full of tests... And when we go through them we have to keep reminding ourselves that We will get through this and we have to make a conscience decision to keep fighting and not let it defeat us.
Thank you for this reminder Ashely. I love and appreciate the honesty on your blog.
I'm sorry you are going through postpartum...I went through it with Mayley and I fearing it will happen it again. Its an awful feeling but you will get past it! SOmetimes I think I am so glad our babies don't remember much of their first few years of life. They get to remember moments with us in our better times...LOL Hang in there girl.....This to shall pass.
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