As the late Amy Whinehouse once sang, "They tried to make me go to rehab and I said no no no." As she was in denial about her addiction I can say I have been in denial about mine. Oh yes I am a self admitted Facebook junky. It started by peer pressure, I gave in, began using, and soon was sharing posts with 500 or more users. Sick I know.
They say the only way to get help is to acknowledge your problem and seek help on your own. So alright, I am going to quit cold turkey! No baby steps by deleting friends slowly, no monitoring my use, just good ol' fashion cold turkey, hit the deactivate button and done!
On January 1st I will be hitting the switch and entering my computer glazed eyes back into the real world. I will no longer know what that girl that I knew back in third grades Grandmothers brother's cousin is doing right now as we speak. I am not sure how I will be strong enough to get though this but I must find the strength.
They talk about withdrawal symptoms. I am very aware that they exist and that I will probably go through them. It has been suggested I enter a detox program as well. I do not know what lies ahead for me but will be sure to keep you posted as I enter this new/old world where we use this contraption people speak of called a phone I think. I will also have to re learn how to speak to people face to face again. I can faintly remember my last memory before Facebook took over my life. I was sitting in my college class (History of Rock and Roll) when someone asked me if I was on Facebook. How rude! How dare you accuse me of being on something like that. I had never taken anything in my life! I was just tired for crying out loud. But then he (with his wavy dark hair and chestnut eyes) talked me into being a Facebook user. From that moment on I was addicted.
I have even stooped so low as to drag my whole family with me...Yes even my 7 month old is on Facebook. Apparently it can passed through the womb..Poor thing had no choice.
With Facebook out of my life and out of system I will no longer have mood swings due to other people's problems and complaints. I am somewhat of a vortex (I can hear you laughing...not nice. It is true) I tend to pick up other people's energy. I will no longer solicit my family, and I will no longer be using at odd hours of the night. And someone please burn my crops over in Farmville before the cops catch on to what I have been doing.
Anyway with that said I leave you this:
It is said we spend about 7 hours a month on FB or social networking sites. That is 84 hours a year and close to 4 days a year. If I stay on until I am 80 years old, I will have spent 236 days of my life on fb! Which means 236 days looking at other people's lives. I suck at math so excuse the hell out of me if I am wrong but I am close at least...LOL But that is crazy!
It has been real Facebook we have had ups and downs and I will miss it...Stay tuned for my Detox blog...
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
The Month of May
And so the I.V. bag began to drip, like sand in an hour glass. Time stood still for me as I breathed through contractions and yet another failed epidural. You think I would have learned my lesson with my first baby but pain has a way of stripping down all your walls leaving you with no choice but to confront the beast. It had only been three hours and the Dr. was telling me to push. Two pushes later, red faced, out of breath, and nails clenched into my husband's arm our beautiful and calm baby Lainey Sedona came peacefully into this world. Time resumed. [Sedona is a city in Arizona where my husband and I became engaged and frequently visit. This city is known for it's spiritual and tranquil surroundings and breath taking views. Sedona is also the name of the man's wife who founded this town. She was a strong, beautiful and bright woman.] Happy now to have the I.V. removed and the needle out of my arm, I held my baby skin to skin just smelling her sweet smell and listening to her bird like coos. Life was just perfect.
And then we went home! Chaos began in full swing! Oh come on motherhood is beautiful and all but lets get real. My two year old's jealousy was coming on full swing and tantrums were flaring. Sleep was and is non-exisitant, the house was a mess and yes oh yes and I won't keep this PG but my boobs were killing me from breast feeding! Feeling overwhelmed and on the verge of giving up my husband was there to remind that it does in fact get better, I was doing great, remember that breast feeding gets better, you can do it, etc. I did, I kept on going like a good mom does.
And then just as things began to fall into place that nagging and horrendous pain in my stomach began to flare up once again. I thought I was past all that. As life will have it when it rains it pours...Wrenched over in pain and a shot of morphine in my arm, I was waiting to be transferred by ambulance to the hospital. Apparently it is common after pregnancy to have your gall bladder removed and so there I was awaiting my fate with another I.V. bag next to my bed. Oh the tears did flow as I thought about my new baby at home wondering where mommy was, would I still be able to breast feed, my two year old thinks I abandoned her and I just can't take this anymore! I needed a freaking break. Instead I got two surgeries. One to remove the gall stones that escaped and one to remove the gall bladder. Both times I had to be put out in hopes I would awake. And not to mention like a black cat crossing my path, Another One Bites the Dust played like an anthem as I was wheeled into the surgery room...the nurse kindly changed the station for me. I came through like a champ minus a few body parts but no more tummy aches for me :)
And so I spent my 28th birthday in the hospital recovering...recovering from having a baby 3 weeks ago and then having my gall bladder removed. Just take me home!!!
I am home now and feel more than blessed to be here with my two beautiful daughters and amazing husband along with the much appreciated help of our parents and friends who were all here for us during this difficult time.
I know you are thinking the Happily ever After part should be here now but its not. I told you before when it rains it pours. Just as May left us and glad to see it go, Brad's grandfather tragically passed away on June 1st. He left us suddenly and with open wounds...Like everything in our lives it will pass and we will all heal...But the Callihan Clan needs a break. Summer has arrived and I'm hoping to put all this behind us and enjoy our little family, take some vacations, enjoy some wine, snap some photos and lay the hour glass sideways so that time rests.
Oh yes and let me not forget..Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband who I could not get through life with out! June 12th has brought us 7 amazing years, two beautiful daughters, irreplaceable memories and lots of I.V. bags! I can do with out those....Cheers my friends to a peaceful and healthful life.
And then we went home! Chaos began in full swing! Oh come on motherhood is beautiful and all but lets get real. My two year old's jealousy was coming on full swing and tantrums were flaring. Sleep was and is non-exisitant, the house was a mess and yes oh yes and I won't keep this PG but my boobs were killing me from breast feeding! Feeling overwhelmed and on the verge of giving up my husband was there to remind that it does in fact get better, I was doing great, remember that breast feeding gets better, you can do it, etc. I did, I kept on going like a good mom does.
And then just as things began to fall into place that nagging and horrendous pain in my stomach began to flare up once again. I thought I was past all that. As life will have it when it rains it pours...Wrenched over in pain and a shot of morphine in my arm, I was waiting to be transferred by ambulance to the hospital. Apparently it is common after pregnancy to have your gall bladder removed and so there I was awaiting my fate with another I.V. bag next to my bed. Oh the tears did flow as I thought about my new baby at home wondering where mommy was, would I still be able to breast feed, my two year old thinks I abandoned her and I just can't take this anymore! I needed a freaking break. Instead I got two surgeries. One to remove the gall stones that escaped and one to remove the gall bladder. Both times I had to be put out in hopes I would awake. And not to mention like a black cat crossing my path, Another One Bites the Dust played like an anthem as I was wheeled into the surgery room...the nurse kindly changed the station for me. I came through like a champ minus a few body parts but no more tummy aches for me :)
And so I spent my 28th birthday in the hospital recovering...recovering from having a baby 3 weeks ago and then having my gall bladder removed. Just take me home!!!
I am home now and feel more than blessed to be here with my two beautiful daughters and amazing husband along with the much appreciated help of our parents and friends who were all here for us during this difficult time.
I know you are thinking the Happily ever After part should be here now but its not. I told you before when it rains it pours. Just as May left us and glad to see it go, Brad's grandfather tragically passed away on June 1st. He left us suddenly and with open wounds...Like everything in our lives it will pass and we will all heal...But the Callihan Clan needs a break. Summer has arrived and I'm hoping to put all this behind us and enjoy our little family, take some vacations, enjoy some wine, snap some photos and lay the hour glass sideways so that time rests.
Oh yes and let me not forget..Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband who I could not get through life with out! June 12th has brought us 7 amazing years, two beautiful daughters, irreplaceable memories and lots of I.V. bags! I can do with out those....Cheers my friends to a peaceful and healthful life.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Heaven is For Real
While browsing through Amazon's newly released book selection for my Kindle, I came across a book called Heaven is For Real. Intrigued, I quickly downloaded it and began to read. Before I give you my thoughts on this quick and non-fictional read, I will pleasure you with a little of my background which is what sparked this blog in this first place.
I was not raised in a very religious family...believers yes, worshipers no. From a very young age I have had extreme anxiety over death and what comes after. Because I was not baptized I have had the freedom to learn and decide what I will choose yet I have struggled with committing to any religion based on the hypocrisies I have encountered, the judgmental people, and the inconsistencies among the varying religions. I appreciate that I was not forced into a religion as a child and that I get to make my own decision. There are periods in my life where I am completely content with not being baptized and not attending a regular service. I have always considered myself a spiritual person. I have been given a unique gift that lets me see dreams that mimic the future, be extra sensitive to souls around me, and experience positive aberrations. [On a side note, I was once told I was working with the devil by a devout Catholic because of these things that I experience.] Eliminating that choice was easily done right then and there. [On another side note, I have been told on numerous occasions by members of the LDS faith that I would never be accepted into Heaven because of these experiences and the fact that I had pre-marital sex etc. Funny how I am still with this person in a very healthy relationship, my one and only.] Made eliminating that choice an easy one. To get back on track, I am just trying to say that I do believe in something above us, I have faith, and believe that unique gifts i have been given are for a purpose and a positive one. I do feel like my prayers are answered and that I have a spirit guide guiding my way, but for some reason I still feel stuck. I am not 100% content that I am unsure about religion, baptism or what may come. And if you ask my husband what he thinks, minus the dreams, he will tell the same story I just did.
So back to my point, I read this true story and have to say that I was completely blown away by what this 4 year old had experienced in his 3 minutes of Heaven. His details were remarkable and things that a four year old would never understand or know were being discussed with precision. For most religious folk they would think, "What an uplifting read; totally assures me of my beliefs." However, for me I am perplexed. I am left feeling extremely vulnerable and naive about actually feeling like I want to march right down to my local church in my Sunday best and attend regularly. How can one book about what a four year old experienced sway me? I feel stupid almost. The Bible does not have this effect on me. To me it is a story that has been lost in translation and is not meant to be literal. It's years upon historical years have no effect on me either. Why? But this one little silly book does?
So here is my question for all of you of any faith, if you managed to stay awake through all that. Can you really make your mind up about something as important as religion after reading one account of someones experience? Is this story simply a ploy to attract vulnerable people like myself? Is there something wrong with just wanting to be an agnostic believer with faith who leads a good life with morale? Or will I forever be stuck?
***In no way shape or form do I have anything against the Catholic or LDS faith...These are just true accounts of my life thus far that have somewhat shaped my beliefs. I also know that not all members of these faiths feel the same way as the certain members I spoke above about. I have respect for all people and all religions and in fact love that people believe in something that only sparks positivity and good will.
I was not raised in a very religious family...believers yes, worshipers no. From a very young age I have had extreme anxiety over death and what comes after. Because I was not baptized I have had the freedom to learn and decide what I will choose yet I have struggled with committing to any religion based on the hypocrisies I have encountered, the judgmental people, and the inconsistencies among the varying religions. I appreciate that I was not forced into a religion as a child and that I get to make my own decision. There are periods in my life where I am completely content with not being baptized and not attending a regular service. I have always considered myself a spiritual person. I have been given a unique gift that lets me see dreams that mimic the future, be extra sensitive to souls around me, and experience positive aberrations. [On a side note, I was once told I was working with the devil by a devout Catholic because of these things that I experience.] Eliminating that choice was easily done right then and there. [On another side note, I have been told on numerous occasions by members of the LDS faith that I would never be accepted into Heaven because of these experiences and the fact that I had pre-marital sex etc. Funny how I am still with this person in a very healthy relationship, my one and only.] Made eliminating that choice an easy one. To get back on track, I am just trying to say that I do believe in something above us, I have faith, and believe that unique gifts i have been given are for a purpose and a positive one. I do feel like my prayers are answered and that I have a spirit guide guiding my way, but for some reason I still feel stuck. I am not 100% content that I am unsure about religion, baptism or what may come. And if you ask my husband what he thinks, minus the dreams, he will tell the same story I just did.
So back to my point, I read this true story and have to say that I was completely blown away by what this 4 year old had experienced in his 3 minutes of Heaven. His details were remarkable and things that a four year old would never understand or know were being discussed with precision. For most religious folk they would think, "What an uplifting read; totally assures me of my beliefs." However, for me I am perplexed. I am left feeling extremely vulnerable and naive about actually feeling like I want to march right down to my local church in my Sunday best and attend regularly. How can one book about what a four year old experienced sway me? I feel stupid almost. The Bible does not have this effect on me. To me it is a story that has been lost in translation and is not meant to be literal. It's years upon historical years have no effect on me either. Why? But this one little silly book does?
So here is my question for all of you of any faith, if you managed to stay awake through all that. Can you really make your mind up about something as important as religion after reading one account of someones experience? Is this story simply a ploy to attract vulnerable people like myself? Is there something wrong with just wanting to be an agnostic believer with faith who leads a good life with morale? Or will I forever be stuck?
***In no way shape or form do I have anything against the Catholic or LDS faith...These are just true accounts of my life thus far that have somewhat shaped my beliefs. I also know that not all members of these faiths feel the same way as the certain members I spoke above about. I have respect for all people and all religions and in fact love that people believe in something that only sparks positivity and good will.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Life in the Third Trimester
After a long night of no sleep, thanks to peeing 5 times and having constant RLS and numb hips, I finally awoke unrested to the crying of a 2.5 year old at 6 am. And so my day beings or maybe never ended from the previous day to its just continuous. Needless to say..Up and at em..slowly that it is. SO with out further delay here is how this day unfolds:
Dressed the kid
fed the kid and my belly and my fetuses belly
potty time for the kid
dishes, laundry
stop to catch my breath and pee for the 8th time this am
watch Curious George while making spaghetti noodles out of blue play dough
Poop time for the kid
snack
sneeze and pee..yes don't act surprised it happens
Clean up disaster after disaster of books, blocks, Tupperware, baking tools, and underwear int he toilet....that's a fact the kid put her undies in the toilet.
LUNCH
More potty time for the kid
wanted to shoot myself after watching Signing time with Alex and Leah and the tune is stuck in my head
NAP
Of course the kid sleeps and I lay on the couch having become in involved in Days of Our Lives, FB and editing photos. There went nap
Finally got dressed
More laundry
and am currently looking for where in the world is Mayley's bathing suit for swim class tonight?
Oh and I managed to make a gourmet dinner of fish sticks and mac and cheese...Don't judge me! I ate my greens and red today! They were jelly beans but who cares? LOL
My ribs ache and my back hurts, my underwear are getting to small, and I have acid reflux, I can't poop and I am totally sleep deprived!
AND ITS MONDAY! All I can say is 8 more weeks...That's all
Dressed the kid
fed the kid and my belly and my fetuses belly
potty time for the kid
dishes, laundry
stop to catch my breath and pee for the 8th time this am
watch Curious George while making spaghetti noodles out of blue play dough
Poop time for the kid
snack
sneeze and pee..yes don't act surprised it happens
Clean up disaster after disaster of books, blocks, Tupperware, baking tools, and underwear int he toilet....that's a fact the kid put her undies in the toilet.
LUNCH
More potty time for the kid
wanted to shoot myself after watching Signing time with Alex and Leah and the tune is stuck in my head
NAP
Of course the kid sleeps and I lay on the couch having become in involved in Days of Our Lives, FB and editing photos. There went nap
Finally got dressed
More laundry
and am currently looking for where in the world is Mayley's bathing suit for swim class tonight?
Oh and I managed to make a gourmet dinner of fish sticks and mac and cheese...Don't judge me! I ate my greens and red today! They were jelly beans but who cares? LOL
My ribs ache and my back hurts, my underwear are getting to small, and I have acid reflux, I can't poop and I am totally sleep deprived!
AND ITS MONDAY! All I can say is 8 more weeks...That's all
Monday, February 21, 2011
Everlasting Effects
Have you ever wondered what kind of effect you may have had on someone? Like that time in high school when you stood next to your friend and didn't say a word while they made fun of someone. Or that time when you saw someone crying and maybe you stopped to ask if they were ok...or maybe you didn't. High School can be a place of fun, friends, and great memories for many. For others it can be a nightmare, a place with dark shadows, a lonely building full of demons.
You may never know the effect you have had on an individuals life. Maybe you were the reason they cried every day in their room when they got home or possibly you were the reason they made it through the day. I personally never thought about how my actions may have affected someones day or even life until I found face book. In the past five years I have had two people contact me and thank me for treating them with kindness and making them feel like they were someone when nobody else did. I can't begin to tell you the pain I feel when I think of how these people may have suffered or what exactly they went though but I am so thankful that my parents always encouraged me to be the social butterfly I was and still am. I never thought I was doing anyone a favor by pretending to be nice or anything like that. I was always just that way with everyone. I was never part of a click even though I was part of many teams. I was never friends with the same people all through school, I kept old ones and made new ones as I grew up. I wasn't embarrassed to talk in public with kid who was "not cool" or take them with me every day to lunch...Sure I could have had the captain for the football team in my car but I choose the captain of the chess team. I choose to be around people with good sense, good energy, and who treated me with me kindness. I could have cared less if it made people stare or gossip...so?
Anyway, I just feel very humbled inside that because I choose to be me, I had a positive effect on some people who needed it. It means a lot to me that after 10 years they were brave enough to tell me this.
And while I am humbled to know that I played a part in making some people have good memories or an easier time in school, it makes me wonder if I could have made someones day or time at school a nightmare.
Actions have ever lasting effects. I think Newton said it best...
You may never know the effect you have had on an individuals life. Maybe you were the reason they cried every day in their room when they got home or possibly you were the reason they made it through the day. I personally never thought about how my actions may have affected someones day or even life until I found face book. In the past five years I have had two people contact me and thank me for treating them with kindness and making them feel like they were someone when nobody else did. I can't begin to tell you the pain I feel when I think of how these people may have suffered or what exactly they went though but I am so thankful that my parents always encouraged me to be the social butterfly I was and still am. I never thought I was doing anyone a favor by pretending to be nice or anything like that. I was always just that way with everyone. I was never part of a click even though I was part of many teams. I was never friends with the same people all through school, I kept old ones and made new ones as I grew up. I wasn't embarrassed to talk in public with kid who was "not cool" or take them with me every day to lunch...Sure I could have had the captain for the football team in my car but I choose the captain of the chess team. I choose to be around people with good sense, good energy, and who treated me with me kindness. I could have cared less if it made people stare or gossip...so?
Anyway, I just feel very humbled inside that because I choose to be me, I had a positive effect on some people who needed it. It means a lot to me that after 10 years they were brave enough to tell me this.
And while I am humbled to know that I played a part in making some people have good memories or an easier time in school, it makes me wonder if I could have made someones day or time at school a nightmare.
Actions have ever lasting effects. I think Newton said it best...
Monday, February 7, 2011
Stay at Home Mom = Projects
You know what having another girl means??? (Besides all of us being on the same cycle...) Getting to reuse all of Mayley's furniture, bedding, and clothing! Wahoo! And while I am excited that we are saving now, I know that two girl means shelling out more cash in the future. Oh yes its true, girls = formal dresses, accessories, cool clothes, make up, WEDDINGS ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Good luck darling husband...oh yes and shot gun ;)
Anyway, We finally got the new babies nursery put together which meant we had to get rid of our office. We also finished Mayley's new "big girl" room. So here are some pics of her cute new room...I will post nursery pics when it is completely finished.
Aside bed rooming, I have been making bows as well just for fun :) I'm a regular Martha around here lately. Okay maybe not as good as her but at least I'm cooler! LOL
Anyway, We finally got the new babies nursery put together which meant we had to get rid of our office. We also finished Mayley's new "big girl" room. So here are some pics of her cute new room...I will post nursery pics when it is completely finished.
Aside bed rooming, I have been making bows as well just for fun :) I'm a regular Martha around here lately. Okay maybe not as good as her but at least I'm cooler! LOL
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I Told You I would Pass!!
Just got back from the Ultra Sound appointment and all was well! My AF was a little low but that was because of the medicine. They switched me to a lower dose and basically told me to take it easy and I was off of bed rest! Wahoo!!!! Baby is measuring 1.9 lbs. and almost 13in. I feel so grateful to all those who sent us positive energy and prayers. Here is a little peak at our beautiful baby! She's mighty flexible..that's her leg not her arm! LOL
The Game of Life
I honestly feel like when life is going smoothly and things seem to be in place and its almost that "to good to be true" feeling, that an ominous cloud begins to lurk. What I mean is, when things are going well life has a funny way of throwing you a curve ball to offset the balance in your universe and stir things up. Life is a test people say. I agree-I believe. Those who can handle these tests become stronger, more confident, and basically are winning a this game of life.
My last test involved a miscarriage. I grieved, I grew strength, I conquered. I was awarded with another blessing that is currently growing inside me.
I figured I had some time before the next test was given to me. But the game of life is unpredictable and a test can be given at any time. So here is my test:
~I have been handed the card of battling pre-term labor starting at 24 weeks. Trough this battle I must fight bed rest, keeping myself healthy for the baby, feelings of guilt for neglecting my daughter who cries at my door for attention (probably one of my biggest fights) It breaks my heart, fighting feelings of guilt over my husband playing multiple roles and having to rely on those around me, I must fight the temptation of depression and the urge to give up.
Quite the test I would say but I feel prepared. For every test that I have been given in my life so far, I feel as though I have beat them all. All these previous tests that have pushed me to my limits emotionally and physically and I have defeated them. I will beat this test too. I can fight this for the next three months for the sake of my baby, myself, and my family who need me as much as I need them.
So for those who read this, I hope you find it within yourself to feel empowered with strength and determination when life throws you a test. Just know its for a reason, one that will help define you. Don't give up...even if you feel like you have lost, there will always be a reason to win.
My last test involved a miscarriage. I grieved, I grew strength, I conquered. I was awarded with another blessing that is currently growing inside me.
I figured I had some time before the next test was given to me. But the game of life is unpredictable and a test can be given at any time. So here is my test:
~I have been handed the card of battling pre-term labor starting at 24 weeks. Trough this battle I must fight bed rest, keeping myself healthy for the baby, feelings of guilt for neglecting my daughter who cries at my door for attention (probably one of my biggest fights) It breaks my heart, fighting feelings of guilt over my husband playing multiple roles and having to rely on those around me, I must fight the temptation of depression and the urge to give up.
Quite the test I would say but I feel prepared. For every test that I have been given in my life so far, I feel as though I have beat them all. All these previous tests that have pushed me to my limits emotionally and physically and I have defeated them. I will beat this test too. I can fight this for the next three months for the sake of my baby, myself, and my family who need me as much as I need them.
So for those who read this, I hope you find it within yourself to feel empowered with strength and determination when life throws you a test. Just know its for a reason, one that will help define you. Don't give up...even if you feel like you have lost, there will always be a reason to win.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)